ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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