She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
