Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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