Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
