i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
our cab driver is having phone sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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