watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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