Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
