I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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