it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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