I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
