something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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