So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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