I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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