I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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