Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
