She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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