Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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