so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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