I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
