Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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