farters have to be the big spoon...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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