She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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