Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
