I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
