using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
