You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
