dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
