I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
