How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
