When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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