TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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