After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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