her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
