I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
