dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
