i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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