i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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