We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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