New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if only i could text you this smell
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
