Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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