i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
