I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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