lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
