Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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