Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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