The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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