I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
