Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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