I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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