Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
