Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
