That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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