I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
