Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
try to milk me bitch
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
