My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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