last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
