Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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