now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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