dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
