Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Im part way to drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
