There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
